i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
