If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
