It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
