It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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