the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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