so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
