I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
