Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
