I want to walk on stilts...naked
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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