Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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