She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want a musical about memes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize