How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
