after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
