My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
