I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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