I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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