she woke up with a sticky ear
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
