woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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