In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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