Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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