she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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