....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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