do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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