she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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