in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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