my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
