do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
