When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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