haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
