Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
ttyl tear gas
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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