I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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