Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my poor anus
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
