never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
