You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
