A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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