This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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