Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
