Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
