tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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