ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
