i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love having hate sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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