so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
