I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize