im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
