Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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