He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
