I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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