yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
