Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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