get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
