god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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