I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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