wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
