Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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