Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
