Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
