all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
