you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
