okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
