my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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