if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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