you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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