So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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