I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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