I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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