the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
