I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
