The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
