Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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