Already got asked if we're dating
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
