Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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