I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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