Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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